What's in a Color? 

This is my 4th blog in my Color My Emotions series. I absolutely love color and enjoy creating the same item in many different colors...it brings a whole new experience to what I'm doing. My senses are awakened to different memories or thoughts depending upon the color I'm working with. Join me on this journey along my creative process. You can subscribe to my newsletter and select Crochet Product to get this series in your email.

Color My Emotions - Flames

Your 4th color choice in my Seashell Watercolor Collection is Flames. The actual yarn color is Harvest and I eventually renamed it. This one took me a couple of weeks. My first thought was Autumn and Fall and that I would write this poem quickly and I did. It is cliche for fall. Underlying those thoughts was the Phoenix from the Flames and all that these colors really mean to me. After my husband heard my recording of Harvest, he said that he didn't hear the usually passion in my voice with this poem. Well, I think I know why. I needed to go deeper and I didn't want to go through all those feelings at the moment so I quickly did a happy fall poem. I'll share that one too :) Go to the bottom of this blog to see the Harvest Poem.

So when I sat down to write the Phoenix from the flames poem, it did come quickly and it seems jumbled and all over the place. That is honestly me. I am so jumbled and all over the place. I feel like I threw in so many elements in the video even, its not flowing freely, and its not calm and pretty. It doesn't look professional, but I know its a learning process even with editing and creating videos. My favorite slide is the last one. Where it's not about me at all, only about Christ and all that He's brought me through in this jumbled mess of a life. My husband said the poem sounds like some of my others. There is a line that is, but I'm healing from a lot. We are always on a healing path and God is relentless in His pursual of us and relentless in continuing to mold us into becoming more like Him. I definitly go through some of the same firing more than once. By firing I mean like when a diamond comes out of the purifying process. That's what this "Flames" poem is all about. The difficult work it takes to go through the feelings of the things that have happened to us in the past, the process to move through it and beyond it is painful....how we long to get to the other side of the pain. The beginning of healing relationships that have long since affected many areas of our lives or letting go of those we have tried to our entire lives. Or maybe God steps in and you see a glimmer of the beginning of something you thought was a distant dream of ever happening. Those are the emotions whirling around in this poem, and I don't think it even came out right. Maybe the poem needs a dance. 

So I also want to share this "Amen" dance which so deeply touched my heart. It brought something out in me and I cry everytime I watch it. This dance and words to this song can mean so many different things to different people. To me it was a cry to God, "Why did you put me on this earth? What am I here for? Its so scary and lonely, what do I do with all of this? How do I share your love when people don't listen? When you pour your whole heart out in a poem or a dance, or a song, or some piece of art, and no one seems to listen, it feels like your screaming at a wall, yelling at a wall to try to get someone to understand what you are feeling, the overpowering emotions that you go through, and it's ignored. Wow, that is so difficult. So why did God give me all this passion and heart to be ignored........to be invisible. It makes me want to close up again and ignore all the stupid beauty inside.......but God!!!!!! 

God hears, He sees, He is the one that loves me through others that may see a glimpse of who I really am. .....

Maybe I even get the chance to feel a beginning of what Jesus must have felt like. Just a tiny bit. The abandonment, the rejection, the unbelief. He took on the entire world's sin, His Father God, turned away from Him, because He cannot look at sin. His son took it on. He experienced the worst, God looking away from Him and yet He choose that because He loves us. I can't even really begin to feel what He went through. But I can grab my sorrow and continue moving forward as God wants me to, continue to be the person He created me to be. Even if that person is a sensitive, creative soul who is often misunderstood and seems to go through life invisible. I wouldn't change who I am, I get to see life through creative, deep, sensitive eyes. It often is painful but it can be beautiful.

Back to this video. It impacted me so much. This is not my video, but shares my heart. I desire to be with God, the one and only who understands me because He created me. Gino, the middle dancer, I picture myself doing that same dance (I was in ballet for over 20 years, yet this is the type of dance I would have liked to have done)....its filled with passion, angst, and to me, a desire to be with God. To live is Christ though, so even though we long to be with God, we live on earth to be a light. I want to get there, to be a light, to show a joy to others to draw people to Him. I want to be whole so I can draw others to Him. I can dare to hope that I can do that even in my brokenness. 

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Here is my first Harvest poem before I rewrote and came up with "Flames" 

Harvest

Crisp mornings in the cool

Refreshing my soul overheated by summer

Renewing my mind to awaken with fresh senses

He paints the gorgeous Autumn Colors

Leaves of life showing their beauty

Red texture coloring the path

To Golden Orange flames winning the show

White Tinged Red whispers the coming of winter

Color my emotions a beautiful melancholy nostalgic 

By Sapphire C

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